Welcome Out

what to include in your story...

2011-02-01T15:57:00.000-08:00

This is just an idea of what I am looking for in the stories. Please try to explain as best you can :

When you knew you were gay...

What made you realized you needed to come out......

How old were you when you came out......

How did you come out to your family and friends....

How has your life changed.....

And please try to describe the emotions you felt is as much detail as you can. People tend to think sometimes that they are the only ones who are feeling those feelings and need to hear that there are other people out there who share those feelings, and they are not strange or wrong feelings. It can help someone not feel so alone to hear about other people experiencing similar feelings. There are a lot of us out there.

I would prefer the stories be anywhere from a few paragraphs to a couple of pages. Since I need stories with as much detail as possible I am not sure all can be explain in only a paragraph. I don't want to rewrite your story, I want it to be your story not my story about you. Please write your story in your own voice so it sounds like you.

WET first ever Conference

2010-11-07T14:37:00.000-08:00

Hello everyone,

If you did not already know I write a blog for a Lesbian social group called WET (Women in Engaging Talk) in Hampton Roads here in Virginia. We meet every 3 weeks and try to answer questions or discuss topics people have sent us.

The first ever WET Conference is coming up on November 14th. We will be discussing “Why we are gay?”. We are going to be having 3 speakers answering questions and trying to shed some light on this subject. If you are gay, have friends who are gay, or have a family member who is gay this would be an awesome chance to learn more about why people are gay.

The first speaker Taje Mitchell will discuss “Was I born gay?” Taje was raised in Richmond, VA. Growing up, he always knew he was gay but didn't act on those feelings until he was in high school.
There, he was introduced to his schools GSA and that is where his advocacy began. This is his second year as Vice President of External Affairs of his schools gay organization ODU Out.

Our second speaker Latania Brock will talk about “Could my childhood have made me gay?” Latania was born in Brooklyn New York and raised in Waterbury Ct. In 1992; Latania became a resident of VA. She attended Thomas Nelson Community College where she earned her Associates is Human Services and Public Administration. She later attended Norfolk State University earning her Master of Social Work. Latania has counseled family, youth and adolescents on Behavior Modification, Emotional Disturbance and Mood Disorder. She is currently employed as a Site Supervisor with The New YCAPP.

Discussing “Is Being Gay or Straight a Choice?” will be Diane Griffin. Diane is the Founder/Executive Director of the Mercedes Parra Foundation for Women and Children, as well as the Managing Director of the Institute for Humanist Studies. Ms. Griffin is a strong global advocate for human rights, especially in the areas of gender and sexuality, with a special focus on religious based discrimination. She has spoken at numerous colleges and universities, including the University of Notre Dame and the Georgia Institute of Technology.

I hope to see you all at this wonderful conference. We can learn more about ourselves and others together.

You can RSVP in advance, Regular admission is $10.00 or $20.00 for VIP admission and save 20% off admission by paying online at:

http://www.wet-llc.org/wet-conference-111410

thanks Jen Foster for this wonderful song

2010-10-04T17:34:00.000-07:00

Recently there have been way to many gay young people taking their lives after being bullied for being themselves. Everyone deserves the chance to live their lives with out fear. Everyone deserves the chance to be happy.

A few months ago I was told about this song. Jen Foster is a wonderful song writer and has been a great supporter of Welcome Out. After hearing about these suicides that did not have to happen she decided to release this song. It costs nothing to listen and to share it, the message is priceless. I urge everyone to listen and share it. You can download it for free and share it with everyone you know.

Download "This is Me" here and feel free to listen to other wonderful Jen Foster songs:

Take care,
Amber

It may seem hard right now

2010-09-25T17:32:00.000-07:00

To those people who are struggling with being in the closet it will get better. It can be very draining to live in the closet. At first you think that your sexuality is nothing to tell others about, you may think it is just sex. It is not just sex. When you are in the closet you are not only hiding that you want to have sex with someone of the same sex, you are also hiding your heart. When I was in the closet I thought it was no one's business who I was with. Later I realized it is not just about sex. I was hiding the people I was dating and it was very hard to find places to go where I would not be seen.

Everyone in this world deserves to take someone out and enjoy their company without fear. When you are not out you are constantly looking over your shoulder and sometimes so focused on your fear of being found out that you can't really connect with the other person. When you are out on a date you want your focus to be the person you are with and not the people around you.

It is very possible to be in love when you are in the closet, but it can wear on you. When you are in love you want to talk to your friends and family about it. You want to spread your happiness. You want to hug and kiss your loved one and feel good about it. When you are in the closet you feel very happy while with the person you are dating. Then the date ends and you close your door and have to pretend all of that happiness didn't happen. The truth is the happiness did happen and it is a good thing.It is something to celebrate and enjoy.

Good luck in your journey. I pray that you can find true happiness and be happy for yourself. You are very lucky to find love.

Thought I would share my own coming out journey with you all

2010-08-12T10:03:00.000-07:00

I would have to say my actual coming out story started when I was around 13, at least that is when I started to realize I had different feelings than the other girls in my class. All of the other girls were talking about their boyfriends and getting all excited about the school dances. I had no interest in having a boyfriend, I thought boys were great for playing football with but I had no interest in anything more. But like every other 13 year old girl I wanted to fit in. My friends all had boyfriends and I felt weird not having one. I let the comments from my friends about my lack of a dating life roll off my shoulders until high school. I began to date a very nice guy who was in my social studies class. I don’t even know if I would call it dating since all we did was walk around the school holding hands. Finally I felt like I could fit in. I didn’t date any guy for very long since after about a month they would want to do more than just hold hands and anything more seemed gross to me.

Finally during my Junior year in high school something happened that changed my life. I met Aisha. We were working on the school play together, she was one of the actors and I was the costume designer. She was the most beautiful girl I had ever seen and every time she stepped in the room my stomach filled with butterflies. I didn’t know why I was feeling this way for her I had never felt that way about anyone before. I was terrified to share these feeling with anyone else. I was sure that my friends would think I was weird and stop speaking to me since they had made jokes about gay people many times before. Aisha and I became fairly good friends and we would hang out after the plays and eat lunch together during school.

During the first dress rehearsal for the play our friendship changed suddenly. I was in the costume room making sure the costumes fit the actors and it was Aisha’s turn to try on her costume. We were in the room alone together and when I handed her the costume our hands touched and it was as if electricity was ignited between us. I looked at her and she at me and then she smiled and then she kissed me and I thought I was going to burst. Soon after our encounter in the costume room we would meet secretly to be together. Neither of us had told our families about our relationship but we figured it was about us and our families didn’t need to know everything. I loved everything about her. I loved the feel of her milk chocolate skin, the smell of her hair, the sound of her voice, the feel of her lips against mine. I loved every minute I was with her. Unfortunately she was one grade ahead of me. Only a few months after falling in love with her she had to move away to go to college. I was heart broken, I had never felt so close to another person. After school ended I did not hear from her, she would not return my phone calls. She was gone and I felt so lost.

After the heartbreak of that relationship I told myself I didn’t want to be gay. I would try to date guys like all of the other girls. I thought life would be easier if I was normal. I decided to turn my attention to other things, I got very involved with the drama program and tried to stay as busy as I could then I wouldn’t have to think about it. After graduating high school I decided to be trained as a nanny. That worked out great, I loved kids. Once I became a nanny I threw myself into my job. I moved to Ohio for a nanny job. I worked pretty much everyday. I cooked all of the meals, cleaned their 3 story house, did all of the laundry, and cared for their 4 kids. I loved my job. I loved the kids as if they were my own. But after caring for this family for 9 years and giving my own life little thought I became concerned. I was almost 30 and have not really lived my life the way I want to live it. I didn’t want to hide anymore. I had been living and a very small conservative town and knew that being gay there would be tough. After coming out to my family and friends I was relieved nobody was shocked at all and most already knew. Then I had to come out to my employers which could be a little more difficult since I was living in their house and they were a fairly Catholic family. They had some close family friends who were gay but it is different when someone is living in your house and so much a part of your kids’ lives.

I asked my bosses if they could sit at the dining room table with me without the kids. When they sat down I began to cry, I didn’t know how they would react and I was so afraid of losing not only my job also my home. The mother of the children wrapped her arm around me as I cried then I went ahead and told them through my tears “I’m gay”. They both said “what is that all?’ They told me that they had been suspecting for a while.

Not long after I came out to my employers I discovered me being gay was a much bigger deal than they let on. After 3 weeks they sat me down and let me go. The said “we feel it is time for us to let you spread your wings” they then said I had 2 weeks to pack up my things and move away. They had already hired a new nanny. I was devastated.

I was lucky to have some close friends who lived in VA Beach and they told me I could live with them as long as I need to get back on my feet. That worked out well since I could just drive there.

I lost that job almost a year ago and I am finally not angry anymore. I have my own place and a new job. Right after I moved I was very angry at my employers in Ohio. I had been a part of their family for 10 years and only 3 weeks after coming out to them they fired me. Now the anger has subsided and I am moving on with my life. I still think of the children everyday and miss them terribly. But one thing is for sure My worst day now is 20 times better than my worse day before I came out. I now have a sense of pride. I can now live my life for me and not try to be what others want me to be. I used to be ashamed to be different. I am now proud to be me.

want to support some wonderful hard working lesbians?

2010-07-27T21:28:00.000-07:00

Last year I was told about a great new webseries called "We Have To Stop now" its a great show about lesbians and it is done by mostly gay people. Two of the stars actually inspired me to come out. I was also very fortunate in November 2009 to get to be in a small part of the show. This show is smart and funny and it shows that there is more to lesbian and/or gay life in general than just sex. It shows that lesbians have the same problems as anyone else.

I have heard form many other lesbians that there is no good shows about lesbians on TV these days. That's why I encourage all of you to check out shows on the web. Please check out this site and get a subscription so you can experience this wonderful show, it costs less than many of DVDs you buy at the video stores.

here is the link to the best lesbian webseries on the web today:

http://wehavetostopnow.tv/

back in action

2010-03-03T06:28:00.000-08:00

I had to take a bit of a hiatus from doing this project for personal reasons. I am now able ot devote more time to this project. I am still in need of stories. Feel free to post a link to this on your facebook, Myspace, twitter, or if you have a site and would like ot post a link. If you contact me and tell me that you would like ot post a link to this I would be happy to poast a link to your site on here as well.

The only way to show people that we are human and nothing to be scared of is by showing ourselves. If we stay silent change will not happen. If we dont share our stories others will not understand our lives.

hows the writing going?

2010-02-02T06:15:00.000-08:00

I have not received very many stories lately and I thought I would check in with you all. Please keep in mind a story does not have to be super long. Also a story does not have to be happy or sad for that matter. The story only has to be true. The point of this project is to show people what can happen when someone comes out.

If you need help coming up with your story or think you are not a writer please contact me at welcomeout1@gmail.com. I would be more than willing to find a time that would work for you to interview you and ask you questions then I can put the story together for you. The interview could take place through an email (I send you questions and you answer them then email it back) or we could use a phone or Skype.

None of the stories will be sent to anyone else for any reason other than for editing and publishing. This is not for anyone else's entertainment. This is a chance for us to show people we are normal and we do have emotions and we do deserve a chance to live open and productive lives.

Take Care,
Amber

Don't just think about it go ahead and share your story

2010-01-19T11:59:00.000-08:00

I have had alot of people tell me that the idea of this project sounds great. I thank all of you who support this project. But, in order for this project to go anywhere I need your help. I have decided not to include names (unless you tell me you want yours included). I want the stories to speak for themselves. I don't want someone to go buy the book to hear the story about a specific person they know or know of. The point is not to gossip about people.

The point of this project is to hear from each other and let the world hear from us as well. There are people out there who don't have anyone they can ask about coming out. Sharing your story could help another person not feel so alone in their feelings. There are a lot of us LGTBQ people out there. We need to show the world there is not just one type of person. Coming out is not the same for everybody. Sharing our experiences will help other people understand more about us.

People fear what they do not know. If we continue to be silent about our lives then we will allow the fear of the unknown keep prejudice alive. If we show the world we are actual people, with lives and families and jobs, then we will also show the world that we are all different, we are all people, we are all beautiful, and we all deserve to be treated as such.

this is an awesome video of a new project by a couple of awesome ladies

2010-01-14T20:47:00.000-08:00

Meghan Hall and Mel Robertson are doing a project together called "Be The Change" . Please check it out. It is inspiring to see our people doing things to help us all live happy and discrimination free lives. These ladies are both very entertaining. I met Meghan at the Equality March in DC in October and have been introduced to Mel through the great online networking sites. Both of these ladies have done wonderful work and deserve your support. Go ahead and click on the link, you know you want to.
http://www.facebook.com/?ref=home#/video/video.php?v=515741140127&ref=mf

To see more of Meghan and Mel's work go ahead and check out:

http://www.facebook.com/?ref=home#/pages/Loaf-n-Juuggs-On-Fire-in-LA/368593315563?ref=ts

Please don't hesitate, send in your story today

2010-01-12T20:48:00.000-08:00

I had the first publishing meeting for the book. I was told by this particular publisher I need a little more content before they can really look at the book. I know there are alot of you who have contacted me regarding this project and have said you are working on it, I appreciate your help. I also had some of you tell me the idea sounds great but you dont feel comfortable sharing your story with the world and I understand that. This is a very personal thing I am asking you to share. I am not going to be using any actual names in the book unless you tell me you want your name used. I feel that it is important to get the stories out there and don't want people to just read the book to read any one particulare story. Sharing your story could help other people discover there are other people out there who are experiencing the same thing as they are. Also sharing your story could help other people who are not in the LGBT community understand a little more about what it is like to be gay in the world today. The more we share with others the more we will be understood. People fear what they don't know. If the fear is lessened everyone's lives can be easier and happier.

news about book

2010-01-09T16:42:00.000-08:00

In the coming week some big things are going on. I have a couple of meetings with publishers. I also have a meeting with a literary agent who has offered her assistance in promoting the book once it is done.

There is a new facebook group for the book. The name is 'Welcome Out book project' Please join the group. I will only be able to update this blog about once a week, but I will be able to use Facebook almost daily and will post any updated info regarding the book.

Also, in the coming weeks I am working on posting some stories on here to help give people an idea of what the book is about. I though it could give people help in starting their own story. Sometimes reading something from someone else can prompt your own memories of your own life.

Thank you all for the support, and have a wonderful week!

got hacked!!

2010-01-06T06:54:00.000-08:00

I apologize, my facebook account was hacked and diactivated. The Welcome Out facebook page was also lost. I am trying to figure out how to get it all straightened out. I also created a new email address for just the book.Please send your stories to welcomeout1@gmail.com. I am hoping this way if something like this should happen in the future things will be protected a little better. I am still compiling stories so feel free to send in your story, but use the new address.

thought it would be fun to post a few stories here

2009-12-31T15:11:00.000-08:00

When you email me your story let me know if it is OK for me to post your story on here as well. I was thinking it would be fun to let people read a few stories that will be put in the book. I intend on all of the stories get in the book if at all possible, I think everyone deserves to have their story heard. I also am not planning on altering any story except if there is a typo or if punctuation needs to be altered. I want all the stories to still be in everyone's individual voice.

Please send in your story, if not for the book for this site. The more stories are heard the more acceptance will occur.

Happy New year to you all and be safe and be you!

Thank you for your support

2009-12-30T04:56:00.000-08:00

I really appreciate your support. I have had quite a few people say the idea of this book was great. It makes me feel great that other people support the project. As much as I love the support I have not received many stories. I am not trying to rush people and I understand if you don't want to write your story and have it published in a book for others to read. This is a very personal thing I am asking you to share. But, I am not writing a story about MY coming out.

My experience is only one experience and not everyone is going to go through things just like me. That is why I need your story. The more stories that are included the more people will understand there is not just one type of person who is gay, there is not one way of coming out, and there is not just one reaction to being gay. Some people realize they are gay and embrace it with open arms, some people realize they are gay and hide it. The more of us who share our stories with others the more other people will understand there is nothing to be scared of. We all deserve the right to a happy life no matter where you live and no matter where you are from. Please if you have a story you would like to have in this book email your story to me at ahinz10@gmail.com. All I ask to be included in your story is when did you realize you are gay? When did you realize you needed to come out? How did you come out? How have things changed since?

Thank you all for your support. I wish you all the very best this New Year.

I know there has been some confusion

2009-12-28T06:14:00.000-08:00

Recently I have heard some confusion with this project. Some people have asked me about videos. I am not a film person and I am not making videos of coming out. There is a wonderful site http://iwanttheworldtoknow.org/ that is putting videos together. I adore this project and encourage you all to look at it and make a video of your own. It sounds like both projects have the same objective just a different methods. I would have no problem if you chose to do a video rather than send me your story for this book. Don't get me wrong I REALLY want your story to be in this book, but I also believe that the important thing is to get the stories out there. The whole point of my project is not to make me famous or make money, it is to create acceptance and understanding for us all. If this comes from putting videos of people together that is great and I am happy with that, and if this comes from people reading the book i am creating then that is awesome also.I just wanted to let you all know that the two projects are not connected but I encourage you to contribute to both if at all possible.

I hope you all are safe and have fun enjoying your New Years festivities!!

Amber

other perspectives

2009-12-21T06:15:00.000-08:00

Please let me know what you think.

I was recently asked if I would be interested in including the views of people such as clergy, teachers, school principals, etc. I originally was just looking for the views of queer people and our families and friends. But then I thought these people can have alot of influence on us. Most of us have gone to church and all of us have gone to school and these people's opinions of us can fuel that fear people have about coming out.

Since coming out myself I have found the opinion of these people surprised me. My mother works at a convent and told some of the nuns that I am gay. The nuns (who have known me for years) told my mom she had to make sure she was understanding about it and made sure she was being compassionate about it. Now I was always told that the catholic church disapproved of homosexuality, so this surprised me. Now if I would have known how understanding and open these people would have been I could have come out years ago.These ladies were not the only people who have surprised me by their reaction.

I stayed in the closet for a good 10-15 years because I was scared of how I was going to be treated by those closest to me. Since coming out most of these people have been very supportive. I kind of wish I would have known that it was possible for these people to still accept me after I told them I was gay.

SO what do you think about including stories from influential people such as clergy, teachers, principals, coworkers, bosses, etc? Do you think it would be a good addition? Please let me know by leaving a comment below.

I hope you all have a wonderful time enjoying your holiday season with your families and friends.

having fun reading and compiling your stories

2009-12-20T05:37:00.000-08:00

I wanted to say thank you to the people who have already sent in their stories. Everyone has such great stories. Everyone's stories are diffrent and unique. If you have thought about submitting a story and have not becasue it is so private please don't be discoraged. I will not use your name unless you give me the ok. This book is being created to help other people understand the experience of coming out. It is NOT being created for my amusement at all. It is also not being created for me to get any personal gain. I am presently looking into donating any money this book may make. This is entirely being created because I have thought our community could use such a book and have not found one. Please also talk to your family and friends and ask if they would like to contribute their experience of having you come out to them. I think that hearing the other perspective could be helpful to the possible readers of this book.

If you have any ideas of how I can make this book even better please leave a comment. I would be thrilled to hear your impute, even if you think this whole book idea stinks I woudl like to hear from you. Any impute will help me know what people want.

I hope you all are enjoying your holidays,
Amber

Would your family like to share their point of view?

2009-12-18T13:34:00.000-08:00

I would also like to include stories from people who have had someone come out to them. I think it would be great to hear the otherside. It could help people understand why some people react the way they do. And possibly lessen the fear of coming out. The people who love you really just want you to be happy. Sometimes when we don't understand something we are afraid of it. The more we are visible and the more we are heard the less fear there will be.

Amber

writing a book for you and about you

2009-12-17T13:12:00.000-08:00

About 15 years ago I started to come out of the closet as a lesbian. It was quite scary. I had thoughts such as "How is the world going to see me?" and"What will my parents say?" and lots of other questions. It can be scary sometimes to come out depending on your personal situation at the time. I came from a family that was Catholic and even though my parents never actually told me that being gay was bad, but I still was afraid to be open about myself. I told only one person right away it then took me many years to fully come out to everyone else.

I know it can be scary. I had wished I had someone who could explain to me how they were able to come out. I thought if I understood how it was for other people I could maybe find a way to come out myself. I was fortunate enough to meet a great group of lesbians that helped me do just that. I know other people may not be that lucky and might feel very alone.

So I decided to write a book about my coming out story and the stories of others in the LGTB community. I have decided to title it "Welcome Out". I am hoping that this book can be read by other people struggling with the decision of wether or not to come out. I have received some wondeful stories from some awesome people. I still need more to make this book a reality. I know my story and the stories of my friends. But these stories are all diffrent. People are diffrent and so are their circumstances.

I am looking for any coming out stories. Some stories are happy and some are sad. But these stories are about our lives. I dont need much just a story about when you knew you were gay, when you knew you needed to tell your parents or family, how you did it, and how things have been since. The story does not have to be long. Some people's stories are more complex than others. The more stories I have in the book the greater the possibility someone will read it and say "Wait this is how I feel"

I hope you have a story you are willing to share. I will only include a name if you tell me to do so. I understand that this is a very personal thing to share. But remember before you were out? Remember how isolated you felt? How different you felt? Through this book other people can see that they are not alone, there are alot of us in the world.

Please if you have a story that you would like to submit please email it to me. My address is ahinz10@gmail.com. I can't wait to read you story. And thank you in advance for helping me make this book. I can only do this with your help. Our community needs this.

Take Care,

Amber